Shakti perspectives: Anonymous Melbourne
For YEARS my family tried to set me up with arranged prospects. When I’d say no, they would tell me I was effectively too fat and ugly and have a problem with my eyes so no one will marry me if I’m so picky. My own father said “you’re no oil painting, don’t be so picky”.
At one point they sent me overseas to India and kept me there for 3 months, sending me to the gym and controlling my diet so I could “become slim”. I’d only just gotten a graduate job at that point which I subsequently lost because I basically left and didn’t come back. I was told by my family “it doesn’t matter you can find a job after you’re settled”. As if jobs grow on trees.
My mother took me to India one year not long after that time and came with me for several visits to prospects houses and instead of guiding and helping she’d just mimic whatever the extended family said. Just say yes, you won’t find anyone better.
I’m lucky nothing ever worked out from those situations because they seriously made me feel like I was nothing.
I still struggle with self-image now but thankfully I have a husband of MY choice (not of the same race or religion) who loves me for me and supports me like my own family never did. Also now all of a sudden they’re fine with everything and love my husband.
I want to tell people to stick to their guns and stick to their chosen partner. It’s their life, it’s not a pair of shoes you can return if you’re unhappy!
📷@bydivya (whos artwork highlights many South Asian female challenges)