Shakti perspectives: Tania
In life we all go through so many different experiences and it’s extremely hard to measure it up to another individuals experience let alone feel like someone else can understand what you are going through without physically doing so. It’s at that moment you realise it’s a make or break moment. When I was a bit younger I made the decision that I was going to get married, I was in love with my fiancé and as cliché as it sounds I thought “he was the one”.
6 months prior to our wedding he sit me down and told me he didn’t want to marry me anymore, you could imagine the things going through my mind at that moment. As I sit there and listened to his reasons about how I was a princess, had no respect or values, had no future or drive, I wasn’t independent, I wasn’t ambitious, I didn’t like travelling and the list continued I realised that everything he was saying had never been associated to me prior.
It gave me a sense of strength to keep my emotions together at that time because I knew although he was blaming me, I hadn’t done anything wrong. With no tears, my head held high and a strong voice I told him that one day he’d realise what he lost before walking away forever.
"The most painful moment in my life would later be the reason I became a stronger women in more ways then one".
Though I was strong face to face with him, for 5 days straight I cried it out at home. I felt like I was to be blamed, I felt like I had let down my parents, I felt like I had lost so much, I felt like for the first time I was in a situation that I could not control. I was worried about what society would say, what my family members would say, what my friends would say but most importantly how I would be able to move forward. Eventually when you cry 5 days straight the waterfall stops and on the 6th day I opened my eyes and with some sort of reasoning in my head I got up and decided “No more”. Some how I found the mental strength to decide that what had happened has happened and it was not going to define me. A little while after that his friends approached me and told me that the reason for all of this was because they had found out he was cheating on me and told him either he was to tell me the truth or they would.
Unfortunately, he chose the easy way out to not tell me the truth. To myself, I forgave him, I forgave the situation and I forgave myself. It was never going to make me feel good to hold a grudge forever, I believe in Karma and that was more then enough for me.
One thing is for sure, sitting yourself down and realising who you are as a person and what you think of yourself is an important source of progression. I’m glad my confidence as an individual didn’t take a dent because if it weren’t for that then I wouldn’t have been able to deal with my emotions.
Worrying about what people will say, what will he say, what will society say, will I be accepted was not going to get me down.
We unfortunately we live in a world where a lot is out of control but knowing yourself helps you concur a lot too. Our mental health is important but sometimes we forget just how important it is. Whether you are dealing with something big or little it is important to take a moment to breath and remember that there is a solution to everything and talking about it helps.
So much pressure is put on us as individuals to look a certain way, behave a certain way, to compete, to be judged etc and I wish it would change. Society is to be blamed to a certain extent, especially being of South Asia background, a lot of us will know the so often heard “What will they say/think” comment come out. My answer to that now is “Who cares”.
At the end of the day, if I had let myself continue to worry about what everyone was going to say I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I may not have come out of it the way I did.
I smile today is lit from the glow in my heart because of what I have overcome and because of those who held me together. Surround yourself with good vibes, with good people and with those who will add value and strength in your life. This one life that we are given does not come easy but remember that we should be here for one another because tomorrow, when the sunrises someone out there in the world won’t get to see it.